The Art of Listening
CHOOSE TO LISTEN
Three
common barriers to effective listening are:
1).
Stress
2).
“Me” Syndrome
3).
Brain Speed.
LISTEN ACTIVELY
Use
door openers and tie downs.
To
go through the open door and achieve deeper understanding you must provide your
conversational partner with feedback. Ask for clarification or repeat in your
own words what you heard to verify whether your interpretation is the same
meaning intended by the sender. Feedback of this kind does not add your
evaluations or opinions to the conversation. But it does, with uncanny
consistency, encourage your conversational partner to continue, to get to the
“heart” of what he feels; and it greatly
increases the chance of mutual understanding.
Listen
for ideas and feelings
The good listener is not afraid to listen for ideas and feelings. (The real threat occurs when we fail to listen deeply). Although, negative ideas and feelings may tend to provoke a negative response in you- especially when they are directed against you- you can set your mind on the following principles and determine to enhance the possibility of listening enrichment:
- As a listener, you can
refuse to evaluate or judge the speaker. You can simply, genuinely listen.
- When you feel you are
being judged, you might tell your partner, “I don’t want to judge you, nor
do I expect to be judged. If our conversations can proceed on that basis I
will listen intently.
- Aim for understanding
and co operation and not manipulation and control.
- Don’t be afraid of
deep feelings because it can be said in fit of anger or frustration. In
most cases the release of deep feeling is true representation of ones
self.
LISTEN
WITH THE HEART’S ‘EAR’
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HEARING AND LISTENING
Hearing
refers to physiological process by which auditory impressions are received by
the ear and transmitted to the brain. On the other hand listening refers to an
even more complex physiological process involving interpreting and
understanding the significance of sensory experience. A baby’s cry, the roar of
the ocean, an inspiring speech, the music of great symphony- and other sounds
produced within us feeling, thoughts, and actions that an immeasurably enrich
our lives.
When
a person listens to his partner he actually leans towards him and be inclined
mentally and emotionally to understand his partner’s point of view.
Two
qualities necessary for listening with the heart’s ear are:
- EMPTHY- The projection
of ones own personality into the personality of the other in order to
understand him better. It is walking through experiences in the other
person’s shoes; it is trying to see the world through his eyes.
- ACCEPTANCE of your conversational
partner as he or she is. There is great difference between thinking that a
person’s actions have resulted in failure and thinking that the person is
a failure. If we can maintain an attidude of acceptance towards the person
even when we dislike his actions, we will be psychologically much more
ready to listen.
LISTEN TO
YOURSELF
If
one does not take the time to know his own mind, to explore his inner most
feelings, to understand his own dreams and ambitions, he is not likely to do so
with anyone else. When you listen carefully to yourself you realize how you
come across other people. Record your voice and play it and you will find out
how different your tone of the voice is. By listening to yourself you will come
to know which areas of personality needs change.
KNOW WHEN TO KEEP SILENT
Silence
communicates, but the messages vary. The silence of retreat is the sulking attitude which says, “I don’t need to talk
to you. I will just think my own thoughts and isolate myself from you.” The
silence of anger is the attempt to
get even, to lash out by keeping thoughts within, to refuse to give one, the
pleasure of company. Then there is a silence of awkwardness which almost shouts, “Help! Let me out of there! I
don’t know what to say! Somebody say something!” There is also the silence of support . Without saying a word the
silence of support says “I want to take the time to hear you without
interrupting you. I want to know how you feel about yourself, your failures,
your accomplishments, your future plans.” Your supportive silence can help a
friend in a crisis. It is a supportive silence that has the power to help and
heal.
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